Disturbed & Upset & Rather Sad..

I got upset for some reason, I think though after my walk..  The clicks I had tried to avoid.  I didn't really realize I was doing it.  I was trying to like I guess resolve my feelings and realized later I had to like slightly for some reason in the end.

Also, I think my dad is upset about how I was upset about his youngest sister, mainly his acting like both of them how they're mean to me in private and how like they ruined things for me, partly on my website you can tell maybe.  I don't mean anything bad, but we all have problems expressing ourselves..

I was upset about Ellen DeGeneres, that she got fed so much modern stuff, though she grew up apparenlty not really like sorta in a more rushed way like that before, you know?  Like, now I'm crap or what?  So many people think it's not important to work on their goals to be like good in the modern way.  Then, adults like her and others nice like her are mean to people like me and sympathetic yet suggestive to them.  I can't even like feel left alone.  I keep feeling shooed away and like I don't need to be here but that I won't really be left alone.

I also got upset that maybe I wasn't welcome to watch her show in different dynamics and pretty much blew up.  You can guess what happened to me..  :|

Then, I thought that like she, like others, literally thought I "copied" people and that other people didn't copy their parents.  I never really clinged to my mom emotionally.  She's just there.  I'm just a normal person.  I care about her and that we have what's important in our relationship..  She was busy with my brother, but I don't know why.  It was the gymnastics that seemed to help yet hinder me...

I guess I got upset in other ways.  I just didn't have the time to unravel and I guess all this time couldn't connect.  I don't think I mean these thoughts the way they came.  That's why I avoided them, naturally.

I also was upset that I didn't get a computer before a real, new piano, when we moved.  I wish I did a blog when we got a computer when I was 11.  Well, we had an old one before, since I was probably born or when I was a toddler.  Wait, born.  Apparently, I just had to look it up.  I was worried I'd be expected to read other people's blogs.  When my life became more private, I had to do something.  I didn't start until months after posting on message boards.  Well, maybe a year on major social networking sites or special interest forumsand IMDb.

I'm getting that feeling like I'm gonna stop, like I used to get doing my homework.  Of course, it's a little different.  I don't have a lot of problems, here, now, like I have more control and less stress on my eyes in the fundamental way and not often anymore, which is sad.  True, it's started since watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."  I guess you learn something new all the time.  I was getting tired of the pressure in my eyes, too, though.  I mean, it was fun.  I guess I had to do something, though I didn't feel like doing it then.

Well, okay, for this post.

Also, what ... what was I thinking?  Um...  I was gonna explain something I posted..  I really don't know!  I just am here deadbeat not feeling anything but a light weight of air and maybe like sweat and the warmth around my butt area.