Worried

I meant to I think talk about people I've known.  I get messages that they take subtle hints.  I know life is about talking about other people.  It used to be you never did that, but then someone blasted out (literally) something mean about someone or did it to us behind their backs, even when they were sitting right there.

I'm worried because I was trying to become an actor so I wouldn't have to watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" because I thought she was taking the liberty and sacrifice of following me online.  However, I applied to every acting and modeling agency in Orlando but one I think I will make, though I have to wait 6 months if I don't make it in most places.  (Ah!  A car went by.)  So, when I didn't go to the grocery store and stayed home and watched her show, I got fat.  When I ate right again I started looking fatter.  I had gotten mad on my blog that week.  Also, Frankenweenie just opened, and I did have a very good time..  :|  So, now, since cursing is in the air since the n word thing years ago, Dec 2009, ... what was I gonna say?  Uh, yes, cursing.  So, now, it's a habit.  I did it in a funny way and not against anyone I don't know that well, pretty much just against my dad and sorta winged out.  So, I'm mad because this season Ellen is being more risque because she needs to open up.  :|  You know, do her job and live .. uh .. her life?  I mean, she doesn't want to submit like I've been.  She wants people to open up and admit they aren't that good and won't really listen.  I just feel more opened up.  I know it's because of where we're from.  My parents had me more closed up.  I'm worried something will happen because people are going crazy and not thinking and doing the right thing.  The point was I'm worried because I've mentioned people I know, not naming them all, and it's happened just so happens since watching her show again.  I didn't follow her on Twitter over the summer much at all and didn't know when her show started.  It didn't record when I tried a bit after it started, maybe 2 weeks into.  So, I think I watch her show because I think that, other than that I want to, I really thought she followed me online and used to feel really respected, too, by people who might have read me..?

I mean, I think I was gonna talk about people I knew anyway, like I said.  I do like to curse for fun.